Category Archives: Waiting…

The Lord’s leading – intro

This is my first attempt at posting from my iPhone. I am not as fast at typing, so this will be a shorter piece.

I have been enjoying for my devotionals
a small book by C.W. Slemming entitled “Made According to Pattern”. It is an old book (in the preface, he recalls a preaching engagement in 1928) written on the subject of the tabernacle. Each chapter draws lessons and insights from it’s construction; the materials used and their particular arrangement. I have not studied the tabernacle before, and with each chapter of this book, the thought of doing so grows increasingly enticing. Each chapter is only around five pages long, yet in those few pages are so many awesome truths touched on I can barely keep myself to one chapter per day.

A recent chapter dealt with the pillar of cloud and fire which guided the Israelites for a time and then later took up residence over the ark of the covenant. This chapter in particular jumped out to me. Having been reflecting of the subject of waiting, and considering my own time of waiting on the Lord, what a wonder to read of the Israelites being guided by the Lord in such a phenomenal way!

What really caught my attention was the reference to Numbers 9 quoted at the outset of this chapter. What we see there is essentially this: when the pillar moved, the people moved. When the pillar rested, the people rested. Whether it rested for an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even many years, the people waited on the pillar. When it moved, it was often at a moments notice, sometimes at night no doubt, yet the people hesitated not to follow.

What an amazing parallel! What a picture the Lord has given us of his leading!

I will expand on this further tomorrow, Lord willing. I am afraid i have grown too excited to keep this post short; I now I know this short post will actually be a short introduction to a longer post which will be written from a laptop that features a proper keyboard. Thumbs are good for hitchhiking, not so good for efficient typing!

Blessings! Good Night!

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On the Heart

My heart is constantly restless with ambition.

There is no venture which I cannot conceive myself embarking on and mastering; indeed at some point I have entertained visions of being a rock star, a home builder, a preacher, an electrician, an evangelist, a mathematician, an entrepreneur, a professional golfer; and so on. I have imagined myself succeeding in hundreds of careers and engaged in countless activities and projects. This has been the case as long as I can remember, and at age 27, there shows no signs of letting up. I guess you could simply call me a dreamer.

Some say it is good to dream; “dream big!” they say, “follow your heart!”. More than ever before it seems that this is the mantra of our society, especially amongst the youth of today. But is this truly good advice? I have walked by that wisdom in the past, and as I recall, it only ever left me exactly where I started, but with less energy and more frustration. Perhaps it would have been different if my heart would stick to some destination instead of attaching itself to whatever new idea would come along. But then I would have had an even longer way back to the beginning, once I realized the path was just some rabbit trail.

No, it seems there is a problem with following your heart.

It’s the heart.

Jeremiah 17:9 sums it up well: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?

I was reminded today of some of the rabbit trails my heart has taken me down in the past, which is why I felt compelled to write on this topic. An active member of OCRemix.org, the video game remix website I have been in love with for years, commented to me on Facebook. He informed me that he had recently submitted a song he had remixed to the website, one that I had contributed vocals for. Though I haven’t been active in that community for ages it seems, there was a time when I aspired to become something big there, a regular remix contributor whose music would be appreciated and recognized. It was something I had desired for years.

It was also something I had let go of.

Apparently one facebook comment is all my heart needs to take off down that old beaten path toward a golden future of video game remix fame and admiration. I was a lot further along in that train of though than I should have been by the time I recognized what was happening to me.

What was that word? Deceitful? Yes, I do believe that about says it.

That’s not all though; The next phrase is equally inditing: Who can understand it? That is rhetorical; nobody can understand the heart, save but the God before whose eyes all things are laid bare (Heb 4:13).

There are some powerful implications to this statement, the primary one being that believers should at all times be skeptical of their motives and desires; they should be under the most rigorous scrutiny at all times. The only one who can pronounce motives and desires pure with any authority is God himself, and until one has submitted to his judgement and received his approval, impurity must be assumed. If we care about the truth, this is the only way we can approach our heart.

Jeremiah 17:9 is precisely the reason that David cries out in Psalm 139 “Search me, O God, and know my heart”. It is the very same reason that Paul says to the Corinthians that though he knew nothing against himself, he was not by that fact acquitted or justified. His own self assessment was of no value whatsoever, so he looked to God and waited for his approval instead.

We would do well to follow his example. We’ll be less familiar with rabbit trails and further along the straight and narrow if we do.


Why?

Why am I waiting on God’s call? And what exactly do I mean by “God’s call”? I’ll answer the second question first and the first one second.

The call I am waiting for is a call to ministry.

I began my professional teaching career this past September at Penson School in Grovedale, teaching Jr. High social studies, P.E., Health, and some option courses. It was not too long at all before I became acutely aware of a strong desire within me to leave teaching and make the edification of Christians my life’s primary concern. I imagine it taking one of (or some combination of) three things;  teaching, preaching, and/or music; all of which I am very passionate about.

While these desires are a most welcome evidence of God’s saving grace at work in me, they also caused me some grief initially. Here the Lord so graciously provides for my new wife and my new son in our new house with this job, and I start it only to find myself desperately wanting something different. It was in November when I first started talking with Bev about going to seminary the following year, and by Christmas I had even picked which seminary I would apply to and how we would get by financially. I wanted it pretty bad.

And I still do! But I have dropped my plans for attending seminary next September, and the next, and the next. I am committing that to the Lord.

What has kept me from going forward has been a deep mistrust of self. Very deep. I learned a few years back that my heart was nothing worth following and the last thing I should trust; it is an idolator of the worst order. I am an I idolator of the worst order. And so when students give me attitude, or when I am fatigued, or when I am begrudging the effort that my job requires of me, my heart starts to wander to thoughts of seminary and preaching and evangelizing. All good things, absolutely; but are my desires pure? I have never been able to say yes.

The second reason is an equally deep conviction that the FIRST thing necessary for success in any Christian ministry is to be called to it. If the omniscient God, in his perfect wisdom has chosen a particular individual for a particular task, then be assured that he is the man for the job; he and none other. For God is able to do all things; in his omnipotence he shall see his appointed man through whatever obstacles may arise and provide anything the task may require of him. In contrast, a man who enters into a matter without being certain (or worse, having no clue at all) whether God has actually chosen him for that task will  find himself working apart, if not even against the will of God. In these cases, failure is the greatest grace one can receive; for to successfully work either against or apart from God is a dreadful thing.

You see now why I am still a Jr. High teacher. And why I have dropped all plans to attend seminary. It is because I have not been called.

Not yet anyway. I’ll just have to wait and see 🙂


Welcome!

Hello everyone, thanks for popping by my blog! I intend this to be a sort of journal for my walk with the Lord, and while I am sure there will be much content here that pertains to the Christian faith in general, my primary aim here is to reflect and refocus on God’s purposes for my life in this time of waiting.

What exactly am I waiting for?

 

God’s call.

 

I know it will come.

I know it will come at the right time.

But I have no idea when that time is.

So until then, I am…

 

Kaleb Waiting

 

 

 

Come back tomorrow for a slightly more in depth explanation.